6:30 p.m. - 2008-04-16
its not working, isn't it?
sometimes i think this is all a mistake. it was the right place, the right time but it is just with the wrong person.
why bother calling when your tone totally indicates your unwillingness? if you feel obliged to do so, don't.
you have made me dread what used to be the highlight of my day. i have been making excuses for you, for us. even up till this instant, i'm still coming up with excuses for you. to reassure myself that things will get better.
i'm not one to give up easily, but if its clear that we are unhappy, i see no reason to continue. if you would rather talk to your friends whom you are going to see everyday for the next 7 weeks than talk to me, go ahead. cuz it doesn't matter to me anymore.
perhaps this was a mistake from the beginning. how we plunged headfirst into this abyss. how rash we were. it didn't matter to us that we are as different as chalk and cheese. all we had going on for us was the passion of the moment.
when i hear about how sweet others are, i try not to feel that inane stab of jealousy that comes so easily to me nowadays. i know everyone is different, that i cant compare, that its silly to compare. but i cant help it.
i don't know how to carry on. though i know you would never read this, but i'm just hoping that writing whatever i feel can make me feel better.
i guess its not helping.
